By Renee Jensen
I am passionate about my leadership in the healthcare field. I also love being a mother. Being a working mom has its challenges, and the decision to invest in my career and my family at the same time has brought the occasional judgmental comment—from colleagues, other parents, and even my own family. Some have offered encouragement, telling me that being a mom is just as important as anything else I could do. And while strides are being made for gender equality in the workplace, I don’t feel that motherhood is valued equally in the workplace, or in our culture.
A shift in our culture.
I mentor MHA students at the University of Washington. The question I get most often from female students is, how practical is it to be a healthcare executive, and have a family? I believe there are brilliant women who are strong leaders who choose not to pursue executive roles in our society because they’re not sure these two desires are compatible. They’re not sure they will get the support they need to be successful in the workplace and at home. Our culture has work to do.
When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I was terrified to share our news with my Board of Commissioners. Settling into life with a newborn was going to require a few months of maternity leave, as well as time away from the office once I returned to work full time. It was going to complicate things for our organization. I was fortunate to have the full support of my board, but my hesitancy tells me that as a culture, we haven’t made it to the place where being a mother and being an executive are equally valued.
However, in the past eight years as a mother and an executive, I have seen cultural shifts toward supporting women who are choosing to embrace motherhood and their professional lives. For example, after returning to work at the end of my maternity leave, I needed to pump milk several times a day, but there was no designated place for me to do it. I was fortunate to have a private office where I could sequester myself, and hope that no one would ignore the “Do Not Disturb” sign on my door. But when we built our new hospital, a nursing space was thoughtfully included as a peaceful, private place for nursing female employees to have time and space to care for their families.
I’ve noticed that when I’m with other female CEOs, our conversation centers around professional topics. It’s very rare that we’ll open up about our family lives. But I think it’s time for us to start talking about the joys and hardships of being a working mom if we are going to see a culture shift happen. Our voices, experiences, and the influence that we have earned in our field have the power to keep our culture moving in the direction of equally valuing motherhood and being an executive.
Torn between two loves.
I feel confident in my decision to be a working mom, but it hasn’t always been easy. The truth is, I love to work. I love my career. I believe that the work I do has value, and it matters to me. I also love my kid—more than I ever thought possible! Sometimes the path I’ve chosen can be challenging and lonely. I’m not the typical executive. But I’m also not a full-time, stay-at-home mom. I don’t fit cleanly into any one group. Where do I belong?
I’ve found you never feel like there’s enough time for both your family and your career. You want to give as much as you can to your work and your child, but there are only 24 hours in a day, and some of those have to be for sleep. There is always some kind of compromise. It’s a delicate balancing act to make sure you’re investing well in your child and in your team.
You try to be everything to everyone, and at the end of the day you wonder if you got it all right, and I can’t say that I always hit the mark. But there are two things I’m sure of: being a mom has taught me to be a better leader, and being an executive has made me a better mom.
Being a mom makes me a better executive.
I think my daughter has made me a better executive. There are so many ways she has enriched me as a person. I would not be who I am without her in my life. She has made me a better leader.
The importance of feeling heard and understood. Right as my daughter was learning to talk, she would get so upset when she thought I couldn’t understand what she was trying to tell me. But when I took the time to make sure she felt understood, even if I had to interpret toddler babble, and even if I was still going to say no to her request, it built a stronger relationship between us. I found that my staff was the same way. It was so important for them to feel heard, understood and included, even if I was firm on my decision. Taking time to fine tune this approach has changed my leadership for the better.
Empathy. When you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes, there’s a stronger ability to meet someone where they are. Before I was a mom, if I had an employee with childcare issues or another sick kid, it was hard to react with empathy. Honestly, I was annoyed. Now, I completely get it, and I feel like I’m better prepared to offer solutions and support. I understand that sometimes there are no other options, and you have to prioritize your child at that time. I can relate to my team on a deeper level through my own experiences.
Patience. This trumps everything that my daughter has taught me: be patient! I’m naturally the most impatient person. I want it done now. But now I see that taking the time to take a step back has been important to my growth as a person and a leader. The new pace of life that having a child brings has allowed me to see that sometimes the fastest way to the desired outcome is by taking more time up front and going slow to go fast. Being a parent has realigned my priorities and really brought what’s most important into perspective.
Being an executive makes me a better mom.
I also think that loving my work and the value I find there makes me a far better mom.
Life without limits. I know the kind of character and grit it takes for a person to thrive professionally and make an impact in this world. I think that the most important thing I can do and gift I can give, is raise a well-adjusted, well-rounded child who will grow into an amazing, kind, thoughtful leader. I want my daughter to know that when she grows up, she can be anything she wants to be. She doesn’t need to be limited in any way by the fact that she’s a woman.
Raising up leaders. There are still a lot of first-time female executives in our world. Being a good, strong, positive role model for my daughter, but also for my peers and younger generations of women, is very important to me. Some of these female leaders didn’t come from a family that embraced strong female leadership, and I can be a safe place for them to ask questions and get encouragement. I want to support them on their journey and help them to be successful in a way that matters to them personally.
To the women who have aspirations of leading their organizations and having a family, I want to encourage you: it is completely doable! You can absolutely have the best of both worlds. A supportive spouse and/or workplace is so helpful in finding that balance. Make sure when you are choosing your organization, you find one that does embrace your desire to have a family. The same can be said when choosing a partner, be sure they understand that you are a professional and this is core to your values.
Moms should be so proud of what they do—in their families and workplaces. Now that I’ve had my daughter, I can’t imagine going back. My life is richer with her in it. It provides me with experiences and value that long days in the office never could. On the other hand, the times I’ve been able to share my work with her have been some of the most special moments of my life.
You don’t have to feel guilty for enjoying your work and knowing that you’re awesome at it. You also don’t have to feel guilty for not thinking about work while you’re enjoying your family. Your career and your family both have value; they are both a part of who you are. Living in both worlds give you unique experiences and perspectives that can make you a better leader, and a better parent. It’s time that professional women who are mothers, speak up. You should be proud of your accomplishments. Instead of apologizing for not fitting in, we should be celebrating that we have created a life that is the best of both worlds.